Mind Matters || WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

Valentine's day is long gone, and my post on Reasons to love Valentine without a boo or bae has garned  a lot of  questions like "why are you single?"  "No boyfriend😮".

So am going to rewind back to a conversation I had some few weeks back with my girlfriend Adaeze on this issue  and she started the convo saying I am beautiful, well educated, a manageable cook🤣 and how i come from a good family and she was wondering why I am always talking about my job, projects and how i want to be that successful chic ( am not even anti-social, am actually an extrovert, with a bubbly personality),  when am supposed to be froclicking with guys on social media and sliding into DM's of cute melanin dudes ( am a sucker for dark skinned guys😋);  the funny thing is we both  know i get a lot of attention from the opposite sex;  but i just havent found that special one, the YING to my YANG; i mean someone who will inspire me and encourage my growth. Adaeze decided to reply me and she said  " you must be very picky!".


Hold it right there, I shouted in excitement  - if I plan to spend the rest of my life (at least 50 years) with someone, then maybe I have the right to be picky with whom I spend it with and I feel no guilt for being selective in my search for a man who deserves my love. Now adaeze asks me "what does the right man for you look like?" and I replied that am just a girl who wants normal characteristics in her man
( average height /tall , dark , presentable, financially buoyant, spiritually inclined, with massive dreams) but I also need a man who would accept me for who I am - a bookish, confident, smart woman, outspoken, independent, not one for all FEFERITY (fanfare) with no substance , a man who is genuinely attracted to me and not my body
 ( my boobies in particular), not someone looking for a woman to fan his male ego ,  i want a lover  who is  patient enough to read
me and also willing to add value to my life.

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At this point adaeze busted out in laughter, saying am just speaking big grammer, asking if i know guys are scarce and am looking for all these criteria -  at this point I was confused and I asked her a question - " is it wrong to want a quintessential modern guy?"  I mean all I want is just a man that is faithful, a man who  doesn't  see the kitchen as a woman's place, i want a man that can cook  but that doesn't mean I want him in my kitchen all the time.

The funny thing about this whole conversation is that adaeze is not in the right position to give advice on relationships because i have watched her move from one bad relationship to the other with heartbreaks glowing like decorated medals on her ; she has never taken a critical look at herself to discover how she has continue to contribute to her relationship issues, I mean who wants to be With a man just for the sake of not being single or alone.  I have been  in few (serious) relationships and yes there were good /bad times  and I always take a critical look at why the relationship fizzled out.  Let me give you a breakdown of my love life : There was this relationship I was in ( on and off for 6 years) with this guy and along the way I noticed we weren't just  compatible and the relationship sucked up a lot of positive things,  and at a point I had to say NO and I moved on from there, had one or two flings, I started NYSC and was just contended with the attention I was getting till i  tried the online dating thingy- which started with a friend intoducing  me to his brother who stays in U.S  via social media, we got chatting and exchanged contacts. We got closer through our calls to each other and things moved swiftly between us, some months later while talking on the phone this dude popped the question  and to tell you the truth, i was shocked and after we ended the call that night, i thought about everthing and concluded that some thing was fishy , anyways I decided to play along( he asked me to get my ring size, and also go for a wedding dress fitting). The whole time I kept asking him questions on how he is moving too fast and why not wait till he comes to nigeria anyways to cut the long story short, the dude was fake and he even had a wife and was looking at having another one in Nigeria (I found all these out from my investigation) , I called him out on that and that ended my online dating journey, till I met the super confused guy who  was all shade of wrong for me because he is just emotionally unavailable and is bent on wasting my time. I noticed in that relationship i was bent on proving how much i care and how i wasn't in the relationship because of his money, i work hard to earn my money and i do take care of myself but as a normal naija babe, I would always want my guy to do things for me, spoil me with gifts without me asking ( you get what I mean?).  Fast forward to December 2017 (after a year and half) , I dumped his ass and found myself single again. My mum is trying her best no to pry into my private life but I can see the "are you dating anyone yet?"  Question on her face and I just don't need that pressure, the fuck boys in town are looking for who to devour and am not intrested in that type of drama.


The point is that I am in a good place to build friendship with someone, hangout, do fun things, spend some quality time together and not waste anyone's time. I understand the fact that there is somebody out there for me and I just haven't met him yet or maybe I have😋, but till then I am still SINGLE as PRINGLE and ready to MINGLE😉.